Dancing in the New Year

On the night of New Year's Day, I had what is, up until this point, THE most spiritual experience I've ever had while dancing.

(My previous plans for New Year's Eve had been botched due to being forced to work overtime that night.  So I went out on the New Year's Day instead.)

There are some important things leading up to this.  Including my experiences the last time I went dancing, which I blogged about a little.  Also, yesterday morning I woke from a dream about one of my favorite musicians, Owen Pallett.  I was left, upon waking, with a desire to listen to one of his songs.  I did so, and immediately something "clicked" for me.  I realized the source of some of my shadow issues that cropped up the last time I went dancing, and that had been bothering me since.  Although realizing is not the same as solving or facing, by any means, naming it is certainly a vital first step.

A friend and I went to the club together.  We drank a generous amount of wine in the parking lot.  (Hey, buying drinks is expensive.  Also, we had better wine than the bars serve.)  I blessed some of it, we  toasted Dionysos.  I also used some of the marvelous Aves salve (flying ointment) I'd purchased from The Forest Grove Botanica.  I will definitely be using this combination again...

What I'm ABLE to describe now is only a fraction of what I experienced.  But such is the paradoxical nature of not only trying to recall things experienced in an altered, ecstatic state, but even of trying to translate it into words. 

The 2nd or 3rd song I danced to is where it really kicked in.  The song was a slower, sultry one - a familiar staple of the club, but one which I sadly do not know the name of.  I remember thinking "Gypsy songs are dangerous..."  (Meaning, I think, songs which make me move my hips a lot...)  More than ever, I was not in control of my dancing... my dancing was an expression, and one that I could even step outside myself and marvel at the ways that my body was choosing to manifest the music.

I was, for the first time, flirting with my god.  This sounds funny, probably, but how else to explain?  Flirting is a two way communication of subtleties.  And most significantly, He was *there* to flirt with, and flirt back -- I can't really describe how astounding that was.

There were conversations... whole conversations.  I went ELSEWHERE.  I dance with my eyes closed usually.  But I remember opening my eyes at the end of a song, and being, not surprised exactly, but AWARE of how displaced I had been.  I had not been dancing on just that dance floor.

I asked a gift of Him, and I felt that he made me a promise.  It is far too personal to share, and I will never be able to tell you if he grants it, but it is enough for me to feel that promise.

This was one of my favorite parts... which again, may sound strange and I even hesitate to share it.  I mentioned before the idea of flirting, and that I do not control my dancing (to a large degree, depending on the trance state).  One of the "gifts" given me that night, while dancing with the god, was that he would catch me.  SO many times.  Dancing, twirling, writhing, almost always with my eyes closed - if I ever was on the verge of losing my balance, there was an opposing force righting me before it could happen.  How many times did I murmur, "thank you" for this?  Too many to count!!  Also (and I nearly swoon to think of it) there were a couple instances, where my own hand was "brought" to my face, the way that one might caress the cheek of a lover.  Oh, my Lord...

I've aspired to be his, to be as a maenad, and dare I say that I crossed into that realm that night?  I can't deny the power of what I felt, and the communion and intimacy.  And yet there's a strong sense of, not ending or accomplishment, so much as beginning and initiation.

I think it will be an interesting year.